Ugly Bad Habits
Why is it that good habits are near impossible to make and can flit away like a humming-bird? A most beautiful sight gone in a flash leaving the gorgeous imprint on your mind and the longing to have it back in your sights. Why are bad habits the ugly step-sister to the good? Forever in your face mocking the beautiful Cinderella that dwells within you unable to escape oppression of this horrible vice. Where is a Fairy Godmother when you need one?Over the last couple of years I have created many ugly habits that have taken me hostage. I just can’t seem to knock the dirty things. I know they are not the best choices and as simple as it seems to say “Just do what you should”, it is never that simple. It has really made me feel weak and quite silly.
For now, we will focus on just one of the nasty demons that have possessed me, effecting my family, my health, my mental state and overall well-being. SLEEP! I can’t seem to do it. I have mentioned that I struggle with A.D.D. which makes concentration and getting thing done nye impossible and O.C.D which makes it very hard to shut my mind off at night because I usually am thinking about all the things I didn’t get done and my to-do list that could cover a continent. Fibromyalgia which comes along with it’s own bag of tricks, including; restless leg, chronic pain and sleep disorders, to mention a few. Some years back I was given medication to take at night for my Anxiety. Yes, another issue so be kind. For the first time in my life I was able to relax and sleep. Whew!! What a blessing. I was so relieved! So why in this mother-loving world would I choose to stop sleeping?? Ugh!!
I have pondered this question and have come up with some thoughts. I struggle during the day to check off that delightful to-do list that I mentioned. Even though I am a homemaker, it is difficult with my physical health joined with the demands that come with 3 special needs children (BOYS!)… which is a whole other post, and a hard-working husband. We have a ridiculous amount of doctors appointments, school appointments , homework, cooking, cleaning, Mount Laundry, dishes that reproduce like bunnies, bills, stacks of paper that never to go away, and whatever else calls my name in this blaring confusion of voices demanding my time.
When the kids are FINALLY in bed and there is a peaceful lull in the house, I feel the need take advantage of this quiet time to play catch-up. The problem? I’m exhausted and can’t concentrate anymore than during the day. So, I sit staring at my computer, stacks of papers, list and……NOTHING! A smart person would say, “Go to bed and you might feel better tomorrow and accomplish something.” Not this Cinderella. I sit and sit and still nothing until long after midnight when my coach has turned into a rotten pumpkin and my ball gown into a dirty frock. Why did I wait so late? Best to quit while you’re ahead, right? Go to bed!
Cause and Effect
Well, needless to say, I have become zombie-Mom. Napping and taking it easy when my body tells me is essential for someone with Fibro. I literally pass out for most of the day completely unproductive. Guilt brings a desire to stay up to right my wrongs. The cycle begins again. It feels like a magnetic pull. I wish I could switch the polarity to repel me away from this dysfunctional behavior.
Chat with Kat
Have any of you been in this boat? Have overcome the dreadful curse or do you currently burn the midnight oil with me? What are your plans or suggestions for correcting this or any other less than desirable routine?